Who's On First?

I like to think that Mitsubishi was tipping their hat to Robert Wise's magnificent 'The Day the Earth Stood Still' when they named their 'Verada'. Here's my pitch for a new ad to get Verada back into the hearts and minds of motorists across the globe:

Patricia Neal crouches terrified as the ominous Gort approaches and towers over her. But remembering what Klaatu has told her she carefully enunciates the words "Klaatu verada nikto". The camera cranes up to reveal that Gort has arrived not in a spaceship, but instead has climbed out of a beautiful new shiny silver Verada!

Brilliant huh? No? Well at least it would make some sense of the STUPID name!

As for their dumb 'Outlander' well what the feck does that mean? Think about it. Outlander. I'm sure they think that the first thing to spring to mind is some kind of aspirational blend of 'outback' and 'overlander' but sorry chaps, my brain goes to the nearest equatable English word which is outlandish. There's no way I'm going to get into a car that proclaims itself as outlandish. Especially one that is so monumentally conservative. That's not even irony. It's just deeply sad.

Moving on to the Corolla 'Ascent' well what can one say at this pathetic attempt to reassure a potential buyer that it might be able to do more than get up to speed on the downhill run. If you've ever seen the car, it's certainly not a name that could have metaphorical underpinnings as far as social status is concerned. No one is going to look at you in this car and say, "Gee, there goes Frank - he's certainly certainly heading toward the dizzying heights of fame and success in that fine vehicle of his..."

And then there is the Ford 'Ka'. What intellectual giant regurgitated that piece of marketing inanity?

Hey I just got a new Ka!

Great! What did you buy?

I'm saying. A Ka.

Yeah I heard you, but what kind?

That's the kind. A Ka.

Yes, but what model. You know, a Verada? A Getz? An Impreza?

A Ka! I bought a Ka!

Oh forget it moron. I've got to go get my Xcel from the panel beater. Some chick with an attitude dragged a key down the side of it.